A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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