I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Randomize
