Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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