I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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