oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize