It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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