i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
