Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Randomize
