im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
