I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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