i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
