dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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