mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize