Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
