We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
