He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
