I cannot find my penis.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
