I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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