he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Randomize
