On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
