2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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