i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
