how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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