saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize