it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
this beer tastes like vomit already
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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