I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
