My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I intend to get homeless drunk
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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