Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
