when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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