I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
one two three fourrrrnication!
i just had sex bonerless
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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