Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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