508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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