honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
