end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize