If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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