Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
