I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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