3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
