Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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