i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
