I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
