don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
