Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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