OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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