i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
sarcasm needs its own font
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
