please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize