Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
