I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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