someone threw a dead crab at me
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
