You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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