nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
As shirtless as possible
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
