He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
