She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
