I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
