Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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