I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize