I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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