Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
