So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
