Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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