ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
