I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
