I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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