I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
