worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Less talking, more tequila
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize