Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
