Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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