Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
