I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
