We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
