This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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