and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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