margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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