dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
