Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize