i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
