sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
