I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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