I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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