I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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