Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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