so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
