the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
